4 Rules for Taking a Mum Rage Break (Without the Shame Spiral)
Because sometimes we all lose it. Here’s how to find your way back—with compassion, not guilt.
The Morning Meltdown
It was one of those mornings. I was rushing to get the kids ready for school, and everything felt like chaos. When I finally snapped—shouting, slamming my bike down, and storming off—I saw the look in my children’s eyes: shocked, confused, hurt.
Cue the shame spiral.
“Why can’t I just be patient?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why does everything feel so hard?”
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Whether you have ADHD or not, parenting under pressure can push even the calmest adult to the edge. The good news? You can find your way out of these moments. It takes awareness, a few tools, and a healthy dose of self-compassion.
1. Recognise When You’re Getting Triggered
Sometimes, we don’t even realise we’re boiling over until we’ve already exploded. I used to only become aware after the outburst. Over time, I’ve learned to spot my own warning signs—tight chest, racing thoughts, raised voice.
Ask yourself:
- What typically sets me off? (e.g. kids not listening, running late)
- What do I feel in my body just before I lose it?
Once you know your triggers, you can start interrupting the spiral before it peaks. And no, you don’t have to power through it—you can take a pause.
2. Step Away (Even Just a Little Bit)
When your brain is screaming, “Do something!”, stepping away feels impossible. But it’s essential. I’ll duck into the bathroom for 60 seconds just to breathe. Not to hide or punish myself, but to cool off safely.
Even a small physical separation helps:
- Step outside for fresh air.
- Close your eyes and turn away.
- Say, “Mummy needs a moment to calm down.”
You’re not abandoning your kids—you’re modelling emotional regulation.
3. Move Your Body to Calm Your Brain
Just stepping away isn’t enough. The rage and adrenaline need a release. That’s where movement comes in.
Why? Because your body thinks it’s in danger, and it needs to complete the “stress response cycle” to return to calm. (Thank you, science.)
Try this:
- Push against a wall.
- Do star jumps or jog in place.
- Wring a towel or shake your arms out.
It’s not about punishing yourself—it’s about moving the stress through your body so it doesn’t fester or explode later.
4. Replace Shame with Self-Compassion
Once the storm passes, something else often creeps in: shame. That awful voice in your head that says, “You’re a terrible parent.”
But shame never helps. What does? Kindness.
Talk to yourself like you’d talk to a friend:
- “I’m not a bad mum, I’m a mum having a hard moment.”
- “It’s normal to struggle.”
- “Other parents are probably losing it this morning too.”
Self-compassion isn’t letting yourself off the hook. It’s the fuel you need to repair, reconnect, and move forward.
What Happened Next
That morning? I picked myself up off the bathroom floor, went back to my children, and said, “I’m sorry. Mummy was feeling overwhelmed. I didn’t handle it well.”
And you know what? We carried on with our day.
These days, I still have moments—but I recover faster. And my kids? They’re amazing at apologising and understanding feelings, because they see me modelling it.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone
Parenting is messy, especially with ADHD or heightened emotions in the mix. You will lose your cool sometimes. What matters most is how you repair and reset.
So next time you feel yourself slipping into “mum rage,” remember these four steps:
- Recognise the warning signs
- Step away (safely)
- Move your body to release stress
- Be kind to yourself—no shame allowed
If you’d like professional support or need more information, please don’t hesitate to contact Dr Flett at 031 1000 474 or visit our Assessment Centre at 8 Village Road, Kloof, Durban. Remote consultations are also available via Zoom to fit your schedule.
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