Is It ADHD — Or Is My Child Just Naughty?

Is It ADHD — Or Is My Child Just Naughty?

Author: Dr John Flett, Specialist Paediatrician

Reading time: 3 minutes

Let me ask you something. When your child grabs something without asking, blurts out an answer in class, or ignores your instruction for the third time — what’s your gut reaction?

If you’re honest, it’s probably something close to: “He knows better. He’s choosing to be difficult.”

The Pause Button Problem

In every brain, there’s a pause button. It’s the split second between a thought and an action — the moment where your brain says “wait, think about this first.”

In a child with ADHD, that pause button is slow. Not absent. Slow. The thought arrives and the action follows before the pause button has a chance to engage. They grab because the impulse was faster than the brake. They blurt because the words were out before the filter caught them. They hit because the frustration arrived like a wave and the pause button was still loading.

Here’s the heartbreaking part: your child knows better. When you discuss it calmly afterwards, they can tell you exactly what they should have done. ADHD isn’t a knowing problem. It’s a doing problem. They know the right thing. Their brain can’t do it consistently in the heat of the moment.

Why This Distinction Matters

If you believe your child won’t behave, your response is punishment. More consequences. Stricter rules. Louder voices.

If you understand your child can’t behave — not consistently, not yet — your response shifts. You start scaffolding instead of punishing. You start teaching instead of lecturing. You start working with the brain instead of against it.

That shift — from defiance to struggle — is the most powerful change a parent can make. It doesn’t mean accepting all behaviour. It doesn’t mean abandoning boundaries. It means responding to what’s actually happening rather than what it looks like.

Try This Tonight

The next time your child does something that looks deliberate, pause before you react. Ask yourself: “Is this won’t or can’t?” You don’t need a perfect answer. Just asking the question changes how you respond.

Your child isn’t giving you a hard time. They’re having a hard time. Understanding the difference is where everything begins.

Wondering whether your child might have ADHD?

Dr Flett offers comprehensive ADHD assessments at The Assessment Centre, Kloof, and via Zoom across South Africa.

Bookings: 031 1000 474 | support@drjohnflett.com

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Disclaimer: This article is for general information only and does not replace a consultation with your own doctor or health professional.