Part 1: Processing the Diagnosis
Part 1: Processing the Diagnosis
Getting a diagnosis of ADHD isn’t always expected.
If you haven’t seen big issues at home—or if school is the only place the difficulties show up—it can be hard to believe.
Some parents take the diagnosis personally. They might wonder:
- “Is this my fault?”
- “Did I choose the wrong school?”
- “Is this because of how I parent?”
Let me be clear: ADHD is not your fault.
It’s not about bad parenting.
It’s not because you didn’t discipline enough or let your child watch TV.
It’s a medical condition. And it’s real.
Understanding Before Acceptance
I believe that understanding is the first step to acceptance.
If you don’t fully understand ADHD, it’s very hard to accept it.
That’s why I spend a lot of time helping families make sense of what’s going on.
At the end of a proper diagnostic assessment, parents should be able to say,
“Yes, I understand this. It makes sense. This is ADHD.”
The Emotional Rollercoaster – Common Reactions
Let’s talk about some of the feelings that come up after a diagnosis. These are all normal and valid:
1. Denial
“This can’t be right.”
“I want a second opinion.”
“There must be another explanation.”
Sometimes, if you haven’t seen challenges at home, it’s hard to believe what teachers or doctors are telling you. But ADHD often shows up most clearly in structured environments—like school—where children are expected to sit still, listen, and follow multi-step instructions.
2. Blame
It’s common to start pointing fingers—at yourself, your partner, the school, past choices.
But again, none of these caused the ADHD. This is how your child’s brain is wired. Let’s release the blame—it doesn’t serve you or your child.
3. Anger
You might feel angry—angry at professionals who missed the diagnosis earlier, or angry about the money and time spent on treatments that didn’t help.
Some families have spent tens of thousands of rands on therapies like neurofeedback, supplements, or alternative interventions. I don’t blame anyone. When you’re desperate to help your child, you try everything. But I want to help you use your time, money, and energy wisely going forward.
4. Relief
For many, the diagnosis brings a huge sense of relief.
Finally, there’s a reason for the struggles.
Finally, someone understands what’s been going on.
Finally, you’re not alone—and there’s something you can do about it.
It’s like a weight lifting off your shoulders. There’s a way forward now, and support is available. That’s what I aim to offer—a roadmap and guidance so you’re not stumbling around in the dark.
5. Grief and Guilt
Some parents feel grief or deep sadness.
They wonder:
“Will my child struggle forever?”
“Did I miss this earlier?”
“Have I failed them?”These are natural emotions. But let me reassure you—your child has so much potential. This diagnosis doesn’t mean the end of anything. It means you finally have the right tools to help them thrive.
